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Dear Coolbreeze,
If a guy grows a moustache its considered “sexy”, but if a girl tries to grow a beard its gross.
What’s up with that?
Babyface Robinson the Flying Bunkbed
Dear Babyface
Well if a girl has big tits it's considered sexy, but if a guy has big tits he gets to be a weatherman
for the CBC.
Dear Coolbreeze
I was looking for cute boys down by the overpass when I saw the hunk of my dreams,
Montgomery Lovely, inventor of the popcorn machine. I started flirting with him when the most
embarrassing thing happened, my little brother shot me in the leg with his bow and arrow. I was
mortified as I staggered off and he shot Montgomery in the arm. How can I make Montgomery
notice me?
Jenny the Jukebox Allnighter
Dear Jenny
Two words...dress slutty.
Dear Coolbreeze
I have a mega-crush on a mega-nerd. How can I get him to sleep with me?
Larry the Flaming Pickleball
Dear Larry
What really gets me all hot and bothered are those costumes that people wear in parades,
like those giant kangaroo suits or those oh so sexy bear costumes...excuse me a minute...okay
I’m better.
Dear Coolbreeze
Why do you have to be so crude? I find your comments to be in bad taste, and demeaning to
anyone with a speck of intelligence. Your advice is usually bad, and the letters are obviously
false. Nobody in their right mind would actually seek your opinion on their sex life, and if they
did they would end up in more dramatic situations than the ones described in your column on a
weekly basis. You are a sick, perverted heathen, yet I find myself strangely attracted to you.
Do you want to go rollerblading with me?
Prudish in Prince Edward Island
Dear Prudish
Let me clear a few things for all my loyal readers. The subject matter in some of the letters may
be a bit taboo, but pretending like these problems don't exist is not going to help anybody. It is
important that all the freaks and perverts have a forum to discuss their lives because the
mainstream media (i.e. The Buzz) isn't going to acknowledge that they even exist. I realize that
some people may be a little sensitive about certain topics, but they have a choice whether or
not they want to read this. Nobody is being forced to follow my advice or listen to me. And for
the millions of women who want to see me and the men who want to be me (or vice versa), this
is not a dating service, but I will be accepting photos of fans in their underwear…if I'm allowed
to post them on the Internet.
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