THE STORY 01/26/00
cooLLiving was inspired by a recipe book i saw from an elementary school that had various "helpful hints" in it. while the concept of household tips is about as bland as martha stewart naked, this particular book had hints on removing blood stains. i thought it would be pretty twisted to try and write a collumn about sprucing up a house with disturbing undertones, but i think the original recipe book was much funnier.

The most common complaint I heard this year on New Year’s Eve was, “My nice clothes are ruined because of all these blood stains.” I replied by telling them to put down the bat and relax. A little salt and club soda will remove any bodily fluid you happen to get sprayed with.

Here’s some advice for anyone who finds vacuuming difficult. Put a large, plastic tarp on your carpet. It will protect your floor from nasty spills and it feels nice against your naked body when roll around on it with some melted butter.

To save money on crafts this spring, take funny looking branches off some trees and put them on your coffee table. It doesn’t cost a cent, and it will brighten up the dreariest living room.

Candles are getting more and more popular. My favourites are the scented ones. I love the natural smell of pine, berries, or cabbage. I once burned myself trying to eat a scented candle. Be careful. They may look tempting but candles are not as good as mom’s cooking.

And painting your den can be a chore, but not if you use paint with really strong fumes.