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THE CITY NEWS
coolbreeze city is the mental municipality of ll coolbreeze. take a stroll down the various streets of the virtual urban center of coolbreeze's imagination, but be careful of all the potholes, and gum.

check out the smut in our newly renovated library.

and if you are a complete idiot and get lost, navigate through the city using the fancy buttons at the top of the page.

-the mayor


OLD SHIT

best of 2000

coolbreeze's christmas

adventures in vancouver

there is nothing like the feeling of urinating thousands of feet over the prairie provinces. it's very patriotic. in an airplane bathroom the size of a small closet, all of my worries about accidently stepping in the toilet while trying to tie my shoes dissapear as i realize that i am peeing over saskatchewan, and i could very well end up relieving myself over the entire country while up in the air.

i return to reality when i try and contemplate where water in the sink is coming from. is there some sort of well in this aircraft? perhaps a pipeline connecting it to the earth? and as i reach down to tie my shoe i again begin to worry about falling into the toilet.

i was amazed to find a vast selection of pornography at the calgary airport. instead of spending my "airport tax" money on hustler, i just skimmed through the magazine on ground level, then returned to my flight to watch denzil washington in remember the titans.

the flight was not long, but after arriving in vancouver, my car ride seemed to last an eternity. i saw a lot of beauiful places and people from the inside of a car for a couple of hours. i can't wait to get out and explore this place on foot.

the canadian university press conference is my excuse for travelling across the country, and it is also my access to computers and food, but after travelling through many time zones deprived of sleep my adventure will be more of an internal conference on the brink of madness than something that will help my newspaper. i actually worry about causing more harm to other papers than to myself.

my companions fear i will cause harm to them. i have already challenged jeff to stay awake for the entire week and live on nothing but sugar packets and water so i can better understand the affects of sleep deprivation.

the service here is excellent, and i'm sure the cooks can put cheese in places i haven't even thought of yet.